Thankful Thursday

I am very thankful my gorgeous wife mowed the lawn for me while I was gone.


I am also thankful she looks hawt in her new jeans.


I am thankful she went shopping for her own birthday gift just so I wouldn't have to. She is so thoughtful that way.


I am thankful she lets me sleep in.


I am thankful she updated my blog for me today.

Aviation 101 Lessons

It's best to keep the pointed end going forward as much as possible.

Takeoff's are optional. Landings are mandatory.

Flying is not dangerous; crashing is dangerous.

If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller. (Unless you keep pulling the stick back -then they get bigger again)

The propeller is just a big fan in the front of the plane to keep the pilot cool. Want proof? Make it stop; then watch the pilot break out into a sweat.

The probability of survival is equal to the angle of arrival.

The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

Every one already knows the definition of a 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. But very few know the definition of a 'great landing.' It's one after which you can use the airplane another time.

You know you've landed with the wheels up when it takes full power to taxi.

Keep looking around; there's always something you've missed.

Try to keep the number of your landings equal to the number of your takeoffs.

Gravity never loses! The best you can hope for is a draw!

Any pilot who relies on a terminal forecast can be sold the Brooklyn Bridge. If he relies on winds-aloft reports he can be sold Niagara Falls.

Always remember you fly an airplane with your head, not your hands. Never let an airplane take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.

Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.

And Always Remember, you're always a student in an airplane.

lovingly added by your wife...

The Flight Instructor

A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to take pictures of a great forest fire. He was advised that a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire. The photographer arrived at the airstrip just an hour before sundown. Sure enough, a small Cessna airplane was waiting. He jumped in with his equipment and shouted, "Let's go!"

The tense man sitting in the pilot's seat swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air, though flying erratically. "Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make several low-level passes."

"Why?" asked the nervous pilot.

"Because I'm going to take pictures!" yelled the photographer. "I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures."

The pilot replied, "You mean you're not the flight instructor?"

Airline Dictionary

The airline industry, like any other, has a specialized dictionary. These are words and phrases that are used commonly by airline employees for which the meanings may not be obvious to outsiders.

Air Traffic Control - A game played by airline pilots and air traffic controllers. The game has no rules, and neither side knows how it is played, but the goal is to prevent flights from arriving in time for passengers to make connecting flights.

Baggage Claim - The most difficult area of the airport to find. It is usually hidden by numerous signs saying, "Baggage Claim Area."

Carry On Bag - An item, usually of large dimensions, which somehow managed to fit under the passenger's seat on the inbound flight. Regardless of what the passenger says the following is not acceptable as carry-on items: bicycles, refrigerators, truck tires, or wide screen projection TVs.

Flight Schedule - An entertaining work of paperback fiction.

Fog - A natural weather phenomenon, which usually occurs around an airport while the surrounding areas are clear. Fog is controlled by the airlines and is used to delay flights.

No-Record - Any passenger booked through a travel agency.

On Time - An obscure term, meaning unknown.

Passenger - A herding creature of widely varying intellect usually found in pairs or small groups. Often will become vicious and violent in simple and easily rectified situations. When frightened or confused these creatures collect into a group called a "line." This "line" has no set pattern and is usually formed in inconvenient places. Passengers are of four known species: Paxus iratus, Paxus latus, Paxus inebriatus, & Paxus ignoramus.

Pilot - Another name for highly educated bus driver.

Position Closed - This is a sign posted at various counter locations, which when interpreted by the passenger says, "Form line here."

Pre-Board - Passenger who arrives at the gate five minutes before departure.

Sign - An airport decoration. Usually unnoticed except by small children. Its primary function is to hide the location of various areas of the airport, i.e., gate numbers, rest rooms, baggage claim, etc.

Ticket Agent - A superhuman with the patience of a saint, the herding ability of an Australian sheepdog, the E.S.P. abilities of Uri Geller, the compassion of a psychoanalysts, and the tact of a diplomat. They have mysterious abilities to control wind/rain/snow/fog and all other weather phenomenon. They are capable of answering three questions at one time, while talking on the phone, and without stuttering or choking on their tongue. Later in life they sit in parks carrying on mysterious conversations with themselves.

Signs You Chose a No Frills Airline

They don't sell tickets, they sell chances.
All the insurance machines in the terminal are sold out.
Before the flight, the passengers get together and elect a pilot.
You can't board the plane unless you have the exact change.
Before you take off, the stewardess tells you to fasten your Velcro.
The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas.
When they pull the steps away, the plane starts rocking.
The Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway.
You ask the Captain how often their planes crash and he says, "Just once."
No movie. Don't need one. Your life keeps flashing before your eyes.
You see a man with a gun, but he's demanding to be let off the plane.
All the planes have both a bathroom and a chapel.

crew scheduling has now been outsourced...

I'm waiting for the day I hear this.

You may be a redneck pilot if...

Your stall warning plays Dixie.
You get your pre-flight briefing from the Phsycic Hotline.
Your cross country flight plan uses flea markets as checkpoints.
You think sectional charts should show trailer parks.
You've ever used moonshine as Avgas.
You have mudflaps on your wheel pants.
Your toothpick keeps poking your mike.
You've ever just taxied around the airport drinking beer.
You wouldn't be caught dead in a Grumman Yankee.
You use a Purina feed sack for a wind sock.
The side of your airplane has a sign advertising your septic tank service.
Your aircraft has a hitch.
You constantly confuse Beechcraft with Beechnut.
You think GPS stands for Going Perfectly Straight.
You refer to formation flying as "we got us a convoy".
You're matched set of luggage is three grocery bags from Piggly Wiggly.
You've ever fueled your airplane from a mason jar.
You've got a gun rack on the passenger window.
You have more than one roll of duct tape holding your cowling together.
Your preflight includes removing all of the clover, grass, and wheat from your landing gear.
You figure the weight of the mud and manure on your airplane into the CG calculations.
You siphon gas from your tractor to put in your airplane.
You've never landed at an actual airport though you've been flying for years.
You've ground looped after hitting a cow.
You consider anything over 100' AGL to be high altitude flight.
There are parts of your airplane labeled John Deere.
You've never actually seen a sectional but have all of the Texaco road maps for your flying area.
There's exhaust residue on the right side of your aircraft and tobacco stains on the left.
You have to buzz the strip to chase off the sheep and goats.
You use your parachute to cover your plane.
You've ever landed on the main street of town to get a cup of coffee.
The tread pattern, if any, on your main tires doesn't match.
Your primary comm. radio has 90 channels.
Your comm antenna is over 7 feet long.
You call up the tower with "Breaker Breaker"
You have fuzzy dice hanging from the magnetic compass.
You put hay in the baggage compartment so your dogs don't get cold.
You use you landing light for hunting.
Your flight instructor's day job is at the community sales barn.
You've got matching bumper stickers on the vertical fin.
There are grass stains on your propeller tips.
The FAA still thinks you live at your parents' house.
Your hangar collapses and more than 4 dogs are injured.
When starting the prop you injure five dogs.
Somewhere on your airplane is an "I'd rather be fishing" bumper sticker.
You navigate with your ADF tuned to exclusively country stations.
When you go to the airport cafe they hand you biscuits and gravy instead of a menu.
You think that an ultralight is a new sissy beer from Budweiser.
You siphon Jat-A out of your King Air for your space heater.
Just before the crash, everybody at the airport heard you say, "Hey, Y'all watch this!!"

Click to hear The TSA theme song

And nod your head in agreement.

odd reasons for flight delays

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25210441/

Nice day to shoot something

...a funny story...

My wife says this is a funny story and I should blog it. I always do what she says.

So we had just landed the airplane and the passengers were getting off. There was a family with a little boy who, on his way out, started talking to me.


Boy: How fast were we going?
Me: Really, really fast.
Boy: Really?!


Boy: How high were we going?
Me: Really, really high.
Boy: Really?!


Boy: How fast were going when we were landing?
Me: I don't know. That's usually when I'm sleeping.


That got the boy's parents attention.

airplane! (1980) trailer